The divorce do’s and don’ts that matter most protect your money records, your children, and how a judge sees you. Copy your records first, because within 60 days Jackson County makes each spouse swear to a list of assets, debts and income. Don’t hide or spend marital money. And don’t assume “no-fault” means conduct is ignored. A Missouri judge can weigh how each spouse behaved when splitting property and setting maintenance.
Be most careful in the first few weeks of a Jackson County or Johnson County case. That is before you have thought about how each choice will look in court. This guide covers Missouri and Kansas. Families in Kansas City often live, work and bank on both sides of State Line Road. Our divorce attorneys in Kansas City handle cases in both states.
What to do before you file for divorce
Two things come first. One is the 90-day or 60-day residency date. The other is the bank records. These five steps take a few hours and save weeks later.
- Check that you can file where you live. Missouri requires 90 days in the state before the case starts, under Section 452.305. Kansas requires 60 days, under K.S.A. 23-2703.
- Copy your bank and tax records. Get recent tax returns and pay stubs. Add statements for every bank, retirement and credit card account. Add mortgage papers, car titles and any loan papers. Keep the copies away from home.
- List what you own and what you owe. You will need this list soon. In Jackson County, each spouse files two sworn forms within 60 days of being served, under Local Rule 68.4. One lists assets and debts. The other lists income and expenses. Kansas uses a Domestic Relations Affidavit for the same purpose.
- Write down the children’s routine. Note who handles school runs, doctor visits and bedtimes. Missouri asks each parent for a proposed parenting plan within 30 days of service, under Section 452.310. The Kansas court checklist includes a proposed parenting plan with the first filing.
- Put safety first if you need to. If you are afraid of your spouse, a protection order can come before the divorce papers. Our guide to leaving an abusive relationship safely covers that step. This guide is not for an emergency. In immediate danger, call 911 first.
What to keep doing once the case is filed
- Keep paying the household bills the way you did before. A missed payment on a joint mortgage hurts both spouses’ credit. If you fall behind on court-ordered support, Kansas can enforce it by garnishing wages. That cannot start until 14 days after the support order was served. You then have 7 days to ask for a hearing to contest it, under K.S.A. 23-2707.
- File your financial statements on time. A Jackson County judge can sanction a spouse who files late. The same goes for failing to update them before trial.
- Take the parenting class. Missouri requires it by state law when custody or visitation is at issue, under Section 452.372. In Jackson County, that means the FOCIS program within 45 days of service, under Local Rule 68.13. Children ages 5 to 17 attend too. Johnson County requires a two-hour class called Parents Forever for parents in new divorce cases.
- Keep messages short, polite and in writing. Stick to the kids, the bills and the schedule, and assume a judge will read every text.
The don’ts that cost people the most
Don’t hide, move or spend marital money. Kansas lists “dissipation of assets” as a factor in dividing property, under K.S.A. 23-2802. That can mean draining an account. It can also mean selling things without telling your spouse. Quietly taking a pay cut backfires too. Courts can look at what you are able to earn. Bank records show where money went, and the financial statements are sworn under oath. In Missouri, either spouse can also ask the court for a restraining order under Section 452.315. It stops the other side from selling, hiding or encumbering marital property outside the ordinary course of business. The same motion can ask for temporary maintenance and child support while the case is pending.
Don’t track your spouse during the case. Kansas courts can bar either spouse from using a tracking app or GPS device. That covers any similar technology used to watch where the other one goes. That is under K.S.A. 23-2707. The same order can cover temporary custody, parenting time and support while the case is open. It can also require mediation on custody, property or the parenting plan. An emergency version can be granted without notice to the other side. The court must then hear a motion to undo or change it within 14 days of a request. It cannot switch which parent has day-to-day custody without proof of extraordinary circumstances.
Don’t assume no-fault means your conduct is ignored. Missouri grants a divorce once a judge finds the marriage is irretrievably broken. Nobody has to prove fault to get divorced. But splitting property is a separate question. Section 452.330 lets the judge consider “the conduct of the parties during the marriage.” Section 452.335 says the same for maintenance. Our guide to alimony and spousal support in Missouri explains how maintenance is set.
Don’t start dating on marital money. Dating during a divorce is not illegal in either state. The problem is paying for dates, gifts or trips out of joint accounts. That spending can count as dissipation in Kansas and as conduct in Missouri.
Don’t move with the kids without notice. Missouri calls a move of 90 days or more a relocation, under Section 452.377. It takes written notice by certified mail, at least 60 days ahead. That notice must name the new address, the date, and a proposed new schedule. The other parent can object within 30 days. Skip the notice and a Missouri court can order the child returned. It can also weigh that against you in a later custody fight, and make you pay the other side’s legal fees.
Kansas gives less warning but hits harder. Notice is due 30 days ahead, by restricted mail, under K.S.A. 23-3222. Skipping it is indirect civil contempt of court. A judge does not merely weigh it later – the court can also order you to pay the other side’s attorney fees.
Don’t drop your spouse from health or life insurance, or change a beneficiary, while the case is open. A court can read that as retaliation. It can weigh that at the settlement table, even where the policy is legally yours to change.
Ask about mediation before trial. Missouri courts may order it in custody cases, under Section 452.372. Both states let couples settle property and custody with a neutral mediator instead of a judge. It usually costs less and takes less time than a contested hearing.
Don’t put the children in the middle. Both states ask which parent supports the child’s bond with the other parent. Missouri asks which parent is “more likely to allow the child frequent, continuing and meaningful contact with the other parent,” under Section 452.375. Kansas asks about each parent’s willingness to allow a continuing relationship with the other, under K.S.A. 23-3203. Speaking badly of the other parent to the kids works against you on that question.
Don’t post about the case online. Photos, check-ins and angry posts can become exhibits. Deleting a post later will not erase a screenshot someone already took. Our list of things not to do on social media during a divorce covers the details.
Don’t sign an agreement you don’t understand. In Missouri, a signed agreement binds the court on property and maintenance, under Section 452.325. The exception is an agreement the judge finds grossly unfair, or “unconscionable.” Kansas puts an agreement into the decree if the judge finds it valid, just and equitable, under K.S.A. 23-2712. Custody and child support still stay under the court’s control, in both states. You cannot easily undo the rest after signing.
How long the process takes
Missouri cannot enter a divorce judgment until 30 days after the petition is filed. Kansas cannot hear a divorce until 60 days after filing, unless a judge finds an emergency, under K.S.A. 23-2708. Those are minimums. When both spouses agree on everything, the case can wrap up near them. When they fight over the house, money or children, expect months.
Not sure a divorce is the right tool? Our post on divorce, annulment and legal separation compares the three.
Common questions
What should I do before filing for divorce in Missouri?
Confirm one spouse has lived in Missouri for 90 days. Copy your financial records, list your assets and debts, and write down the children’s routine. In Jackson County, sworn financial statements are due within 60 days of service.
How long do I have to live in Kansas before filing for divorce?
Sixty days. One spouse must have lived in Kansas for the 60 days before the petition is filed, under K.S.A. 23-2703.
Does cheating matter in a Missouri divorce?
Cheating does not decide whether you can get divorced, because Missouri is no-fault. But a judge can weigh conduct during the marriage. That applies to dividing property and to maintenance, under Sections 452.330 and 452.335.
Can I date during my divorce?
Dating is not illegal in Missouri or Kansas. The risk is spending marital money on a new partner. That spending can count against you.
What financial documents do I need for a divorce?
Recent tax returns and pay stubs. Add bank, retirement and credit card statements, plus mortgage papers and titles. Jackson County requires Forms 1402A and 1402B under oath. Kansas uses a Domestic Relations Affidavit.
Is a parenting class required during a divorce?
In Jackson County, parents attend the FOCIS program within 45 days of service. Children ages 5 to 17 attend too. In Johnson County, parents take a two-hour class called Parents Forever.
Can I file for divorce myself?
Yes. Both states let you represent yourself, and the Kansas courts publish self-help forms and a checklist. It is riskiest when there are children, a house or retirement accounts to split.
What is the fastest a divorce can be finished?
In Missouri, no sooner than 30 days after filing. In Kansas, no sooner than 60 days after filing unless a judge declares an emergency.
Where to start
Bring your list of assets and debts and your last two tax returns. Bring any papers your spouse has already given you, too. If you have children, bring their schedule. From that, we can tell you which state’s court fits. We can also tell you what gets filed first and what to avoid meanwhile. The first meeting is free. After that, cost depends mostly on whether you and your spouse agree. An agreed divorce takes far less court time than a contested one.
The rules above describe how divorce generally works in Missouri and Kansas. None of it is legal advice about your case, and no outcome is promised. Talk to a lawyer before you sign or file anything.
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